Gay Anchors Away

I've been on a gay cruise. It was a blast - 1000's of gorgeous gay men, awesome music and entertainment, food and drinks all day long with a swipe of my card that fit easily in my speedo, and the sun shining down all week when I knew damn well it was below zero back home. It was a great way to spend a memorable week with friends including this one and this one. And did I mention the hot guys? P.S. That is not a picture of my cruise.

Of course, one of the advantages (or at least conveniences) of a gay cruise is the hook up potential. Gone is the complication of having to keep your intended flavor of the evening interested in you until such a time that your posse is leaving, his posse is leaving, and you can leave together. Gone is the awkward discussion of where you are going to go because secretly you really don't want him to see where you live and you really don't want him to stay too long if he ends up being real annoying but you also don't want to be stuck at his house because he could be the kind of guy that chops up sweet innocent gay boys like yourself, not to mention the power differential, and the fact that you hate doing the walk of shame. And I'm realizing that the longer I post this, the more it will become completely clear to my readers why my psycho babble inevitably talks myself out of hooking up. But back to the boat. What was cool was that the hook up was incredibly easy and the menu was large (numerically speaking, of course). And there weren't any kids. Unless you count the few token trophy 18 year olds. How do you say chicken with strawberries in french?

HBO just begain airing a documentary of the maiden voyage of Rosie O'Donnell's gay cruises for families. The R Family cruises work similarly to many gay cruise packages in that the company charters a boat for a specific group of people, in this case gay friendly families. There were gay parents with gay kids, gay parents with straight kids, straight parents with gay kids, straight friends of gay parents, gay men who wanted kids, gay women who wanted kids, commitment ceremonies, adoption seminars, and obligatory shuffleboard. Featured, were a gay couple who adopted two kids and then found out those kids had siblings in foster care so adopted three more. How sweet and selfless. Teen kids gushed about their adoptive two dads or moms or watching a parent engage in the coming out process. Gay dads basked in their roles mixing formula and changing diapers. Lesbians beamed about being mothers. All were stiff lipped and appropriate when confronting the haters in the Bahamas. Who could find fault with this bunch?

So the Washington Post in the Style section of all places had to wonder - where was all the cruising on this cruise? Certainly, if you put a bunch of gay people on a boat and make it convenient for them to hook up, a bunch of kids and some commitment vows aren't going to stop them. The Washington Post decided that the documentary was too clean, too "scrubbed up", the kid and family act was too rated G to be taken seriously as a gay cruise. Gay people can't possibly take a family vacation without a little sun, surf, and sex on the side. Even Rosie's cruise must have had a scandal floor. The American people demand it.

Who knows if Rachel's two daddies had a little extracurricular activity during the cruise. Though given the immense amount of planning it seems to co-parent, I can't imagine that it happened unless that too was co-planned. And I think there were probably a few who thought to themselves that one of these days they would have to come back without the kids for a real gay cruise. Mostly, I think they just enjoyed parenting in an atmosphere that didn't require a ton of questions, a ton of staring, or a ton of scrutinization. Instead they got a ton of validation, a ton of advice, and a free trip to Key West.

I think the Washington Post article is way off base unless its goal was to reflect the sentiments of an American culture that needs to live vicariously through its gay best friends - loving us for how fun and free we are at the same time hating us for showing them up. If we settle on family vacations, we'll be just as boring as they are. The Washington Post can take a cue from the documentary. Everyone gets to choose how they cruise.