Countdown to the Gay Games - Competition

Week 2

Growing up, I was always the shortest one in my class, the scrawniest one of the bunch. I was the one who was always picked last for teams at recess, the one who was relegated from the bench to left field for one inning to prove that "everybody plays." I endured countless taunts of "faggot" because of my cohort's perception of my masculinity. I never played sports. I did enjoy swimming and worked as a lifeguard to save money for college, but my high school didn't have a swim team. I was a great tumbler and even spent a year as a collegiate chearleader flipping off the top of pyramids during time outs. But even then, I never considered myself an athlete. I was, however, a competitor.

I have always been a competitive person. On every other playing field than the sports field, I was the consumate overachiever. I was the straight A student, finishing high school by age 17, interviewing and getting accepted to medical school at 19, chief resident, and youngest person in my department to get promoted to associate professor ( after six years instead of the usual ten). Fueled by my childhood playground humiliations, my early gay adulthood became somewhat of a competition to look the best, wear the best clothes, get invited to the best parties, be the one everyone wanted to date, be the best friend. As I get older, the competition becomes finding the best job that will make you happy, being the best boyfriend, doing your best to pay attention to the world around us and how one person can do his part.

When I ran the marathon a few years ago, I never considered myself to be an athlete. Definitely, it was the opportunity to prove to myself that I could succeed at a physical challenge. What I discovered was my inner competitor sticking to the distance, trying to beat my goal of under 4 hours, watching my athlete's body change in the intervening weeks. And I never paid much attention to the other runners. I never wondered what inner challenge brought them to the playing field that day, what record they set out to prove. Quick to recall the many verbal assaults on my sexuality because of my lack of interest or aptitude in sports, I look forward to this upcoming marathon. I will take some time to look around at the other runners and celebrate them for the athletes and the competitors that they are.

Countdown - Week 1