Countdown to the Gay Games - Commitment

Week 4

A while ago, two friends of mine had a commitment ceremony. They had been together for some time, shared property and power of attorney status, everybody saw them as a couple. So the question on my mind was, "why go through it?" Why rent the space and get the food, why stress over invitations and seating, why commit to something you are already in theory committed to?

I thought about this as I resumed my running schedule this week after taking a week off because of illness. These first weeks are tough. It's hard to get into the swing of running when you haven't done it in a while, changing up your schedule to make the time. These short runs in the first weeks are murder because your body is adjusting to muscles it doesn't regularly use. And just when you hit that 3 - 5 mile point in the run when your body is finally relaxing into it, it's time to stop. Sometimes just getting past that rocky point seems like a greater task than any marathon. It is very easy to silently let it go, accept defeat, pretend like now just isn't the right time to tackle this. Unless, of course, you've told someone about your plans to run, blogged about it, registered for the race and paid your fee. At this point, if you gave up, somebody might suggest that you are a quitter, that you should instead forge ahead, that it isn't as easy as just walking away. Sometimes those commitments are the only thing we have to keep us afloat when the water gets too choppy.

When I asked my friends if they felt any different after the ceremony, they admitted that they really didn't. Still desperately in love, still sweetly enamored, still handsomely linked, still looking forward to forever. "But we said it," they sighed, "in front of everyone." In the event that there was any lingering doubt among us, it disappeared. And should the road get rough, we will be there to help remind them of that day, that we watched them swear to something that seems larger than the sum of themselves, suggest that walking away be the last option.

Beyond legal rights and monetary benefits, beyond pieces of paper and gift registries, marriage is about the ability to commit to something that in theory you are already committed to. To lay your cards down and say it for everyone to hear. To say "I'm not walking away from this." And that's worth fighting for.

Week 3
Week 2
Week 1