At What Cost

When I was 14, I went to the public library and checked out a replica of a Jackson Pollack painting and hung it on my bedroom wall. Yes, at the time when most teenage boys are hanging posters of sports heroes, rock musicians, or scantily clad women; I was hanging abstract art. To be sure, this should have been a warning sign for my parents that fifteen years later, I would tell them that I was gay.

Focus on the Family just published on their website some warning signs that your son might be gay. The reason for this, naturally, is to encourage parents to recognize the warning signs so that the child can be changed before it's too late. In looking for these red flags, the site cautions "A number of them had traits that could be considered gifts: bright, precocious, social and relational, and artistically talented." Now while the website sponsors don't delve completely into the argument of nature vs. nurture, they do decide that children are not born gay. They suggest that the child's rearing (the age old absent father, smothering mother model) is to account for the homosexual leanings and therefore un-rearing or re-rearing can reverse the trend. After all, children are not straight by accident. And someone always has to blame. But here's the confusing part for me. If raising a bright, social, artistically talented kid is a sign that you may be raising a gay kid, and if raising a gay kid means that you are failing as a parent; how does one commute those two? How can raising a bright, social, artistically talented kid ever mean that you are failing as a parent? And if you believe this propaganda, how does a parent go about removing the homosexuality without endangering the good stuff. Whether nature or nurture, if traits are intrinsically linked, can they be separated without endangering the whole?

Growing up, my parents encouraged our artistic side. We sang, drew pictures, auditioned for plays, learned musical instruments and foreign languages. We also played baseball or ran cross country if we wanted to. I didn't. As an adult, I am a physician who teaches at the post graduate level. I also sing, write, play guitar, and just like at age 14 admire and collect art. I am the sum total of all of my parts including my sexuality. I honestly believe that I would be a different physician, a different teacher, a different writer, a different person if I wasn't a gay one. Of course, I can't be sure. Though they did not have internet access back then, my parents definitely had access to Focus on the Family. They took alot of cues from that group. They were certainly influenced as young parents to raise their kids right. I have never asked my parents if they suspected that I was different from other boys early on and if they made attempts to change things given my red flags. Something tells me they were too busy attending all of our recitals and sporting events to give it much thought. They were too busy being good parents.